Unscripted

On the last day of Summer Adventure (our church’s version of Vacation Bible School), we kept the kids from running across the picnic tables one last time, sang “Pharaoh-Pharaoh” one last time, stumbled our way through the skits one last time, applied the last band-aid, dispensed the last hug, and waited with the last children for their rides to arrive. We thanked the custodian of the school we’d rented, closed the doors, turned out the lights, and loaded our Oriental Trading boxes and leftover t-shirts into the trunk of H’s car.

While H loaded the last box into his car, I stood on the sidewalk with Malinda, and we talked about things I can’t remember now because as we were talking, Joseph came walking down the sidewalk with two of his friends from the neighborhood. Joseph waved at me and I had to wait for my eyes to focus before I realized who he was. Joseph reminded me of Ralphie, without the glasses. Joseph had been at Summer Adventure all week, but I’d never seen the other two before.

“Hi!” he said as he approached with his friends.

“Who are your friends?” I asked.

The taller one said, “I’m Daniel,” and the other one said, “I’m Marcus.” They were cute in all the ways nine-year-old boys who’ve been playing outside in triple digit temperatures are cute. They were dusty and sweaty and rumpled and loud. When Daniel spoke he tugged at the hem of his t-shirt and Marcus flashed a million dollar smile. The three of them talked a mile a minute.

H came over to introduce himself to Daniel and Marcus. “A nice, strong grip, man,” I heard him say as he shook Marcus’ hand. Marcus was looking at his shoes, pumping his hand up and down. “Now look me in the eye,” H said to him, and Marcus looked him right in the eye with a grin, “That’s it, man!” H said.

One thing H cannot abide is a wimpy handshake. “Shake my hand like I mean something to you,” he’ll say to me, and I know someone has once again extended the tips of their three middle fingers to him and thought that would be sufficient. Or, sometimes he’ll look at me after shaking someone’s hand and say, “Like a dead fish.” A handshake says a lot about a person — a truth not lost on Daniel, Joseph, or Marcus that evening in the parking lot.

“What are you going to be when you grow up?” I was asking Joseph. H had gone to his car and was giving leftover t-shirts and bracelets and clappers and notebooks to Marcus and Daniel.

“I want to be a volunteer for six children,” Joseph said.

“Six children?” I asked.

“No,” Joseph said, “SICK children.”

“OH! Sick children. Cool,” I said.

“And if I can’t get the volunteer job,” Joseph said, “then I think I want to be a Christian.”

“Very cool,” I said. “Guess what?”

“What?” Joseph asked.

“Did you know you can be a volunteer for sick children AND be a Christian?” I asked.

“I can?” Joseph asked.

“Yep.”

“Cool.” Then, “I think I AM a Christian!”

By now, Donovan had joined us. He rode a pink BMX bike and stirred up dust as he twisted and turned and stopped short on that bike. When he fishtailed to a stop right at my feet, Marcus came over, put his hand on Donovan’s shoulder and said, “This is my friend. We go to this school. We are in the same grade.”

“Yep,” said Donovan, and then he was off again. When he came back, he stopped at H’s car and said, “Hey, can I have a t-shirt, too?” Donovan was just like Daniel, Joseph, and Marcus. Loud. He put on his t-shirt and rode off again, just as Daniel came running from the playground and said, “Do you have another t-shirt? I need one for my sister.”

The next thing we knew, the parking lot was filled with children, asking for t-shirts and bracelets and clappers and notebooks, and H made sure everyone got what they asked for, and just a little bit more. They put on their yellow t-shirts and stood around while we talked about school and summer vacation and how to shake hands and how to pay attention in math class in the fall.

Eventually, a few parents joined us in the parking lot, wondering what all the commotion was about and who was standing in the parking lot handing out free things to their children. Malinda and H and I shook their hands, looked them in the eyes, and learned that one mother had just moved to town and another had all three children graduating this year — one from elementary school, one from middle school, one from high school. “A milestone year,” she called it.

I looked in my purse and wrote down the address and phone number of our church on the back of a receipt that I handed to a woman who said she was lonely and needed a church to attend. I told her I’ve known lonely and she let me reach out to touch the baby in her arms.

Slowly, the children made their way back into the neighborhood in their new yellow t-shirts and I watched them go. They looked liked fireflies in the night, taking light back home.

I looked around me and saw that Joseph and Marcus and Daniel were still there.

“Hey Joseph,” I said.

“Yeah?”

“Did you see all those people who came here to get a t-shirt or a bracelet or a clapper or a notebook?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you know how that started?”

“Me?” he asked.

“Absolutely,” I said. “If you hadn’t brought Daniel and Marcus over to meet us, we wouldn’t have met any of those other kids either.”

“Yeah!” Joseph said.

“That’s how being a Christian works,” I said, and I know I was simplifying things, but I’m brand new to parking lot evangelism and all of this was totally unscripted.

Before I could finish my thought, Marcus swung his arm over Joseph’s shoulder, looked me in the eye and said, “Just by tellin’ people?”

“Yep,” I said.

“Yes,” H said. “Just by tellin’ people.”

Honestly, I think we may have rented the school, practiced the skits, sung the songs, and ordered the t-shirts for that one unscripted moment in the school parking lot, and that unscripted moment was worth every dollar, every minute. Everything.

I’d love it if you’d say a prayer for Joseph, Daniel, Marcus, Donovan, and all the rest of those beautiful children we met in the parking lot that night. 

 

Sunday

Just as rain and snow descend from the skies
and don’t go back until they’ve watered the earth,
Doing their work of making things grow and blossom,
producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry,
So will the words that come out of my mouth
not come back empty-handed.

~ Isaiah 55:10 & 11 (MSG)

~~~

Welcome to The Sunday Community. Link up with a photo and just a few, brief words of inspiration – a favorite quote, a favorite line of words from the bible, a short poem, a small thought.

Not many words at all.

Then, extend a bit of hospitality to the others here. Take some time to visit with one another and share a bit of grace. Please grab the Sunday button from the link at the top of the page to post at your place, so others know where to find us.

 

When Your Dream Gets Glitchy

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The first time I heard about “the wall” was when I ran on the track team in high school. After school, I would join the team outside on the quarter-mile track that circled the football field. Together, we would warm up  with stretches and short sprints, and then a long and easy jog around the track. There was a lot of laughing and trash-talking and singing of Motown in four part harmony as we sat in the grass and touched our toes or stood up to do jumping jacks together. I don’t remember it being a big deal. I remember sometimes I’d have to tape my legs because I was prone to shin splints, but other than that, when the coach said “Run!” that’s what I did. I ran. And I was fast.

I ran hurdles, and sprints, and relays. I don’t remember thinking even once that I couldn’t do it. In fact, I don’t remember thinking about running much at all. I just ran.

But one day, during the warm-up, I was running behind a group of guys. We were jogging the straight stretch of track on the far side of the field. The curve at the top of the course was just ahead, and a few steps in front of me, the guys were talking about an upcoming track meet and the events they would run.

“Man,” one of the guys said to the others, “this is the part right here. This is where I always hit the wall.”

I looked around, thinking I’d see an actual wall somewhere nearby. Nothing.

“No joke!” another guy said. “And that wall is made of brick, man!”

“Yeah,” another guy said, “and sometimes – right on the other side of the wall – is a big ol’ grizzly bear!”

“Man,” the first guy said, “I hate that wall.” They continued on around the curve and out of earshot, leaving me wondering what the heck they were talking about.

Later, a coach explained the wall to me as the place where a runner runs out of energy before the race is over. Their muscles have gone numb and wobbly, and their lungs feel as if they’ve been breathing air from the core of the earth. Their body says they can’t go on, and their ears have shut out the cheers of encouragement from the crowds in the stands. They may only have a few steps to go, but those last few steps seem impossible to make.

When the coach broke it down to me like that, I realized I, too, had experienced the wall. I just hadn’t known it had a name. I’d felt exactly the way the coach described, and I had just run through the wall and through the finish line.

But now, the wall had a name. And a personality. It intimidated me. The next time I was out on the track, I realized the idea of the wall had gotten inside my head. This time, when I neared the curve at the top of the track, I could practically hear the grizzly bear growling at me from behind the wall.

Eventually, I learned to push through the wall again. But it wasn’t easy. It was a long time before I remembered I had what it takes to push through and to cross the finish line.

I’ve been on a Follow Your Dreams kick around here lately. I’ve even been planning something dreamy for people like you who have big, amazing, ridiculous dreams, too. Sometimes, my dreamy plans scare me right back into thinking I can hear a grizzly bear growling as it tracks me down. Sometimes, my dreamy plans get glitchy and I don’t know which way to turn, or why I ever thought I could do something like this, or how in the world I’ll ever be able to pull it off. Sometimes I want to just throw up my hands and run for cover and forget I ever had a dream in the first place.

The truth of the matter is that dreaming is easy, but trying to actually live your dream? Well, that’s quite a different story. It doesn’t just happen. It takes hard work. It takes dedication. It takes a belief in the end product, and confidence that the dream is worth the effort. It takes sleepless nights, torn cuticles, a few tears, a lot of doubt, and all of the “push through it” a girl can muster.

And then some.

I like to think I know the rest of what those guys said that day when they ran ahead of me on the track. I think their conversation ended with the first guy saying, “Man, I hate that wall. And that’s why I love smashing right through it.”

How about you? Has your own dream gotten a bit glitchy lately?  What ways have you found to push through it?

The Embarrassing Truth About What I’m Thinking After The Shootings In Colorado

IMG_0053I’m jogging in the deep end of the pool when I say it out loud to H. “I feel as if I should feel more.” I’m worried I’ve become jaded. I’m afraid so much violence and destruction and abuse and so many natural disasters and so many people turning so many blind eyes have made me immune to the shock of the shootings in Colorado.

H doesn’t answer me.

On the deck of the pool, a young lifeguard stretches goggles across his face and steps into swim fins. He’s holding a broom. It’s the kind my dad used to use to sweep out debris in our garage when I was young. I remember the way my dad would lean into the brushing and the sweeping as dust swirled around his head. His garage was always spotless, with all the things people keep in garages in all the right places. The lawnmower was tucked into a corner of the garage, the rake leaned up against the wall, trash cans on the back wall, and a generator safely stored in case another ice storm knocked out power and kicked off the heat on cold Michigan nights in the fall.

H and I don’t have a generator and lately I’ve been thinking we should get one. I think it would be practical. Like owning a shop-vac.

Now the lifeguard is in the pool. I can see the back of his head just above the surface of the water. He’s sweeping the bottom of the pool. “You do that before you vacuum?” H asks when the lifeguard stops to catch his breath.

“We don’t vacuum,” the lifeguard says, and I wonder how old he is. He looks as if he’s seventeen, but the way he speaks makes me think he’s older.

“Do any of the pools in town vacuum?” H asks. It’s our second time to the public pool this year and H is still undecided about whether he prefers these public pools to the private pool at the gym where he has a membership.

The lifeguard looks as if he’s thinking. “No,” he finally says. “I don’t think any of the pools vacuum.”

“Hunh,” H says.

“I’m just sweeping the stuff off the bottom into the deep end,” the lifeguard answers. “They painted the pool, but now the paint is chipping away. I don’t think they did a very a good job.”

“Yeah,” H says.

“In fact,” the lifeguard says “I found a wasp painted to the bottom of the pool.” He laughs then, and so does H. I can feel the gritty chips of paint beneath the tip of my big toe. The water here is five feet deep and if I stretch my big toe as far as I can, I can touch the bottom. Otherwise, I tread water, or jog in place, or float on my back and look at a sky that hasn’t rained in weeks. I think I should buy a water purifier.

The lifeguard disappears again beneath the water, pushing the grit into the deep end and I can’t get the image of a wasp painted to the bottom of the pool out of my mind. I make up all kinds of stories. I spin stories about the person who painted the wasp. I imagine what it would have been like to have been the wasp. I wonder if the supervisor knew about the wasp, or if it was the supervisor who painted the wasp in place. Had the wasp been alive before a paint roller sealed its fate?

I tell myself the wasp would have lived if my dad or H had been in charge. But who can know for sure?

“I don’t think I’m coming back here,” H tells me a few minutes later.

I get it. And I can’t blame him. But, at a time like this, I still wish I could do better than longing for a pool someone else has vacuumed.

 

Sunday

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Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.

~Matthew 22:36 (MSG)

~~~

Welcome to Sunday. Join us! Please, use this as a space to let the Word speak, and let’s keep our own words small today. Link up with a photo and just a few, brief words of inspiration. Then, grab the Sunday button from the link at the top of the page to post at your place. If it fits into your day, take a minute or two to visit the others who’ve linked up here.


Sunday

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For God is sheer beauty,
all-generous in love,
loyal always and ever.

~Psalm 100:5 (MSG)

~~~

Welcome to Sunday. Join us! Please, use this as a space to let the Word speak, and let’s keep our own words small today. Link up with a photo and just a few, brief words of inspiration. Then, grab the Sunday button from the link at the top of the page to post at your place. If it fits into your day, take a minute or two to visit the others who’ve linked up here.


Abide (It’s Just One Thing)

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In the morning, before I swing my feet from beneath the sheets and onto the hardwood floor, I check my phone. The dog stretches in the corner of the room and then the back half of her body begins its gleeful back-and-forth to greet the day. We always say she’s the type of dog who would betray us if the right person scratched her under her chin. “Come on in!” she’d say with a wag of her tail. “They’re sleeping right back here, and here is where they keep the loot.” We don’t have any loot, but she’d make them think we did, just so that they’d scratch her under her chin again.

I’m sitting on the edge of the bed, the screen in my hand glowing that weird cell phone glow, and I can see five ways to do such-and-such, seven reasons I should do this and that, three new products I should try right now. Last night, while I was sleeping, my email inbox filled up with lists. It all makes me tired before I even begin, and the dog needs to go out, so I make may way out to the hallway and towards the kitchen and the back door, only I can’t find my shoes. Again.

In our back yard, a giant oak tree spreads its ancient branches over the grass. In the spring, when the leaves unfurl, the oak becomes a canopy and it is always ten degrees cooler there. But it’s an oak tree. With acorns. If I go out there barefoot, I’ll be sorry. So I turn back towards the bedroom and begin again.

I find my shoes in the closet. Imagine that.

And now it’s back down the hall and through the kitchen and I wonder if the dog is trying to trip me up on purpose as I open the back door and she bursts past me. Burst is the right word. She doesn’t just bound or push or run or skip. She bursts into the day, the same way soda bursts from a can that’s been turned upside down and the carbonated liquid expands until the can just can’t contain it anymore. The dog probably feels a lot like that can of soda.

I follow the dog down the driveway, over acorn riddled cement, around the bike I left outside and finally to the blades of grass beneath a canopy of green. I always feel the need to avert my eyes when the dog is doing her thing. I don’t know why. She’s out there in full view of all the squirrels and the cardinals and the fly that buzzes by my ear, but I feel as if the least I can do is give her some privacy. So I avert my eyes.

It’s a good thing, too. Because I don’t just look away. I look up.

The sun is at the perfect angle for me to see the light it casts in the form of golden circles through the canopy of green above my head. Standing there, looking up, I am suddenly aware that there is moisture in the air and that the temperature is just right and that the clouds might drop a bit of rain today.

On Sunday, H told us all when the list of things to do becomes too much for us to bear, all we really need to do is to abide. “Breathe in. Breathe out. Abide,” he’d said. And then, he’d said it again. “Breathe in,” and he took a deep breath. “Breathe out,” he exhaled. “Abide,” and he stood still and quiet. When he repeated it again, I found myself breathing along with him. “Breathe in,” I took a deep breath, and all around me, I saw others do it, too. “Breathe out,” and I could hear the exhales, along with my own. “Abide,” he said. And you could hear a pin drop. Underneath a canopy of green, with sunlight dancing on the grass at my feet, I remembered that one thing. Abide. Stay close.

I took a deep breath in, my chest rising to greet the day. I exhaled and the dog strolled over in hopes that I’d scratch her beneath her chin. We stood still under the tree and listened to the way the morning sounds, and I smiled because it sounded just like joy.

~~~

With Michelle’s Graceful Summer

What Does It Mean To Have It All?

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When I reach over to flip the switch that turns on the garbage disposal, the machinery jumps to attention and water in the kitchen sink swirls counterclockwise down the drain. I rinse a cereal bowl under the stream of warm tap water and reach behind me to place the inverted bowl on the top rack of the dishwasher. I can feel the rag rug underneath my bare feet, and I hear Frank Ocean crooning tunes from a laptop in another room. Convinced that I’m not going anywhere but right here in front of the kitchen sink, the dog drops heavy with a sigh and sprawls out on the floor next to the kitchen table.

I can’t think of a better way to spend this moment…

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Did you read the article by Anne-Marie Slaughter in the The Atlantic? It’s got people talking. What did you think? Would you consider joining the conversation today, over at The High Calling?

Higgs Boson, Fractals, Jonah, and Tuna Salad (or, the place where all things begin)

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I was making tuna salad for my son and he and I were talking about fractals. I have one of those manual can openers from Pampered Chef. Whenever I open a can of tuna, it takes twelve turns of the wrist. I count things like that. I always have.

I count the steps I take as I run, I count the number of kisses I shower on H in a flurry he can’t escape, I count the number of times the blade of the knife slices through an onion as I chop it for a pan of collard greens. I’ve been counting from the moment I learned how.

Some might call it a quirk and say I should put a penny on it – like when the needle of the record player would get stuck in one of those miniscule grooves of vinyl as I rollerskated in my parents’ basement as a teenager. I’d skate over and tap the arm of the record player so Dionne Warwick could keep on singing “Walk On By”, beneath the twinkle of Christmas lights left over from my sixteenth birthday party. If I didn’t want to have to keep stopping to tap the arm of the record player, I’d put a penny on the arm to weigh it down so it would keep on pushing through those stubborn grooves of vinyl.

My wrist makes the twelfth turn and I’m rewarded with the tiniest tap from the rim of the tuna can; confirmation of what I already know to be true. My son is talking Quantum Physics and I don’t even know if that’s something I should capitalize. I release the can opener from the lid of the tuna can and turn the can opener on its side. This model of can opener features something like pincers so I can remove the lid without touching the can with my fingers.

Higgs Boson is the reason we’re having this conversation over a can of tuna in my kitchen on a Sunday afternoon. “The God Particle” some scientists call it. I needed someone to explain it to me in simple terms, and so I’d asked my son what he knew. He likes stuff like that.

He’s the proverbial Preacher’s Kid (PK) – disenchanted with church and religion and impatient with people who try to put him and God in a box. Rarely the same box. “Everyone’s trying to answer the same questions,” he’s saying. I look over at him leaning against the windowsill. Sometimes talking to him is like talking to a smarter, wiser, more measured version of my younger self. He’s always thought we try to make the faith thing far too easy, too simple. He entertains thoughts of fourth dimensions and the real meaning of eternity. The same things I hid from in the dark when I was young, because I could never find a way to make it all add up.

If you were to ask me, I’d claim an aversion to math. “I do words, not numbers,” I often say.

With my right foot, I step on the pedal that releases the lid of the trash can, and it opens like the mouth of the whale that swallowed Jonah whole (if you’re a person who reads the story literally). I drop the lid from the tuna can inside and the trash can shuts in silence. Honestly, I’m telling myself, I like math more than I let on. I like the way two plus two always equals four. I like the fact that x always equals something – it never equals nothing. Even zero is something. I like the fact that it takes twelve turns of my wrist to open a can of tuna.

“What questions? Who’s trying to answer them?” I hear myself asking.

“Everyone. Science. Religion. Math. Art,” he answers. “Everyone wants to know why we’re here, and why do we care, and why are we all connected to one another, and why does it matter?”

“Higgs Boson?” I ask.

“Yeah,” he says. “We’re all trying to answer the same question.”

I’m thinking this over as I watch a steady stream of pickle juice run from the jar in my hand and into the bowl of tuna. I’m wondering if I’m asking those same questions. Are those the questions I hid from in the dark when I was a younger me? Who am I kidding? I still hide in the dark.

“Most of the time,” my son is saying, “everyone skips over the starting place, though.”

“The starting place?”

“God is love,” he says. “Everyone skips over that. They just want to figure it all out. So they skip right over the part about God being love.” I was spreading tuna salad on a slice of bread and if you had looked through the kitchen window and you saw us standing there, you might have thought you were watching a guy and his mom, getting ready for lunch. And I don’t really know how to tell you that time folded in on itself and went fast and stood still all at once. I don’t know how to describe the way I suddenly knew that I’m connected with those who came before me and those who will come after me and the guy who rides his skateboard in front of my house every day. I don’t know the words to type that will make sense of the way Love showed up right there in my kitchen and I breathed in and took my fill and then the world turned right side up (or upside down?) again.

“Yeah,” my son said as he bit into his tuna salad sandwich. “God is love. You can’t skip over that.”

 

Sunday

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“Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you.
I’ve called your name. You’re mine.
When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you.
When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you’re between a rock and a hard place,
it won’t be a dead end—
Because I am God, your personal God,
The Holy of Israel, your Savior.”

~Isaiah 43:1-3 (MSG)

~~~

Welcome to Sunday. Join us! Please, use this as a space to let the Word speak, and let’s keep our own words small today. Link up with a photo and just a few, brief words of inspiration. Then, grab the Sunday button from the link at the top of the page to post at your place. If it fits into your day, take a minute or two to visit the others who’ve linked up here.