Keeping It Real

June 11, 2012 By Deidra

I met Thelma here at Jumping Tandem. We talk a lot behind the scenes, Thelma and I. She makes me laugh out loud. I like that in a friend. Lately, Thelma and I have been talking about voice. The voice that comes through when we write. We’ve had some good chats, so I asked Thelma if she’d write something here about voice. She said yes! Lucky for us! Enjoy!

I have wanted to be a writer since I was in third grade. I had grandiose dreams of being published. And famous, I’ll be honest. The youngest of six children craves a little fame. I focused on poetry well into university years, overworking exaggerated vocabulary and tired similes. During my graduate studies a published poet took a look at my latest work – a longish poem series that included a single piece of prose – and, as he handed me the manila envelope he said, ‘You write stunning prose.’

I never wrote poetry again. In fact, I did not write a single thing for quite some time.

For years as a blogger I did my best to be popular. I emulated those writers who had steady traffic, lively discussions within the comments and who had, it appeared, figured out the formula that bound writing and success together in a tidy package. I was going to fake it until I made it because what reader doesn’t love some good, old fashioned fake’n’bake?

No one, oddly enough. Frustrated, I moaned to another writer, ‘I think I lost my voice.’

Writer’s laryngitis. I had it. There’s no pill for that. Believe me, Mr. Google and I checked that out but good. The remedy is a whole lot of uncomfortable introspection and prayer. I took a break from blogging and in the quiet I stopped asking, ‘What do people want to read?’ and started asking ‘What do I truly sound like?’

With a few divine nudges I recognized my voice easily enough. Admitting I was simply afraid to use it was unpleasant. Realizing the gumption I’d need to embrace it was more than a little sobering.

It’s a bit of a moving target, this thing we call writing. We may understand the craft of stringing words together in ways unique and colourful, and our skill in doing so may increase with effort and exercise but from time to time the process gets a little messy.

Messy, you understand, being an understatement.

Enmeshed in this whole writing thing is the question of voice. Who am I as a writer? What do I sound like? How do I present images and ideas? Am I crisp and clean in my descriptions, or flowery and metaphorical? Do I overuse commas at a near-criminal level? (That last one quite possibly not indicative of voice so much as grammatical frustration.)

Writing is a vulnerable, self-conscious effort. With our words we lay our very selves bare. Sometimes I’m afraid that if you knew I can be loud, occasionally irreverent, and overly intense and shy in turns, you’ll stop reading. Except y’all are smarter than that; you know real when you see it. Keeping it real is what keeps you coming back for more.

There are days I miss the sweet naïveté of the third grader who knew she needed to write because God put it in her. Maybe that’s the real deal… I write because it is in me to do so. It bubbles up and slips out in a voice distinctly mine, boisterous and weak in the same breath. And perhaps the greatest vulnerability is our lack of control: we simply trust that the words given to us by the Word will reach those who need to hear.

What about you? Do you struggle to embrace your voice?

Thelma is wife, writer, and relentless joy-seeker: a Canadian girl learning to love God, her best friend and the joys and sorrows of their life as two. When she’s not writing or putting her feet up, she likes to pretend she knows a thing or two about photography and dreams of running a marathon some day.

Visit Thelma at Life As Two, and on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest (the woman is everywhere!).

1,315 Comments Filed Under: Writing Tagged With: Finding your writing voice

http://www.laurarath.blogspot.com Laura Rath

Absolutely…honest, vulnerable, transparent writing puts us out there for all to see, which explains why I often feel exhausted (or exhilarated) after writing–I’ve poured myself out onto the page.
“…we simply trust that the words given to us by the Word will reach those who need to hear.” Amen! Amen! Amen!

Enjoyed your post today!
In Christ,
Laura

http://www.lifeastwo.blogspot.com/ Thelma Nienhuis

It can be equally exhausting and exhilarating, Laura, you’re so right! Thank you for stopping by!

http://www.redletterbelievers.com/ David Rupert

“Writer’s laryngitis” — now that’s a memorable phrase. I’m learning to be content with my lot. I’m not going to be the most popular thing on the Internet. I’m not one of those writers that writes a post and 50 (or even 5) people will comment on. And that’s fine. “Just Keep It Real.” Forget formulas. Forget all those gurus and their social status. All I have to worry about is looking at my God in the end. “Thumbs Up”?

http://www.lifeastwo.blogspot.com/ Thelma Nienhuis

Thumbs up, David. Exactly.

http://simplydarlene.com/ SimplyDarlene

Thumbs up from me too, sir David.

Frau

Yes I never ever would say I’m a writer but I’ve lost my blogging Mojo so many times….and wanted to quit over and over again….but this is my community and that I’d miss…and my voice comes back…it’s quieter though.

http://www.lifeastwo.blogspot.com/ Thelma Nienhuis

It usually comes back to community for me as well, Frau. In my times of silence and laryngitis I miss the community most. A beautiful thing, that.

Lisa

What a beautiful reflection about the art of writing and the journey of discovering one’s identity. You’ve given me much to ponder! Thank you!

http://www.lifeastwo.blogspot.com/ Thelma Nienhuis

I love that you call it ‘art’, Lisa. I think I still shy away from that still, out of fear that I presume too much about my writing. Perhaps all creation is art?

http://simplydarlene.com/ SimplyDarlene

Indeed, I struggle to embrace my voice ’cause she’s a squirmy, feisty thing. And when I do embrace her, most flee the room. That’s okay. I’m okay with it. I can’t be and won’t be something I am not.

Thank you miss Thelma for sharing this. It’s very timely for me.

Blessings.

http://www.lifeastwo.blogspot.com/ Thelma Nienhuis

Squirmy and feisty! I love that.

I admire your courage to simply be okay with who you are. I will confess that is often a struggle for me.

Sandra

Oh my gosh Thelma! This is me exactly! I remember I started writing when I was in the third grade. I wrote poems, short stories, songs, created comic strips and even wrote plays. In the fourth grade my teacher loved my Christmas play so much that my class spent the block of time alotted for English practicing my play. I got to cast my classmates for the roles I could see them in. My teacher seemed to take pride being the director and she allowed me to make corrections to the scenes if I thought she got something wrong. She even asked the school principal if we could put on our play as that year’s school Christmas pageant…he said no.

I went on to junior high school and won several distrct wide poetry contests. One of the prizes was the student who had placed in the poetry contest got to visit the state capitol and meet and have lunch with our Congressman! It seemed as though everytime I wrote a poem the vice principal asked me to read it over the school PA system after the morning announcements.

Sadly, I was only 13 years old at this time when I can pinpoint when I felt my self-esteem was stripped away and my confidence shattered. No one in my family could understand why I spent so much time holed up in my bedroom typing away on my Dad’s Sears brand manual typewriter. Or why I spent so much of my free time furiously writing, writing, writing, always writing; filling up notebooks. Was I ”off?” Why wasn’t I doing normal kid stuff like all the other neighborhood children?

One day I explained to my Dad that I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to write books. He chuckled sarcastically, “Heh, there are millions and millions of writers. What makes you think you would be able to write a book?” I answered, ”Because I love writing.” To which he replied, “There are millions and millions of books. What makes you think anyone would want to read yours? Why would anyone care what you had to say?” That stung. It was like a slap in the face. It was the very first time I remember feeling a heavy, sinking feeling in my chest. That moment is exactly what it feels like to have someone “burst your bubble,” I know that now. I imagine how my face might have fallen, the excitement gone and replaced with disapppointment as my head drooped and my shoulders sagged upon hearing his words. It was also the first time that I ever remember doubting what I loved to do with such a passion that before that moment there seemed to be nothing else in life that I would rather do, love to do, or that would be even nearly as fun.

I tried to continue writing. I went through a muder mystery phase where I wrote “whodunits” both in short story and plays. I would proudly rush over to my show my finished creation to my Mom for her approval. But she was a young single mom and more often than not she was either getting ready for a date or talking on the phone, making plansfor the evening. She would wave me away and dismiss me and the sheaf of papers in my hand. I guess my Dad was right, why would anyone care to read what I had to write.

My Dad’s words were like the one tiny spark that started what went on to become dozens of wildfires. I was forever plagued by doubt. I doubted my talent, I doubted my ability to write, I doubted that my writing was any good and yes, I doubted anyone would want to read what I wrote. “Why would anyone want to read anything I write? Why would or should anyone care what I had to say?” So I evenutally stopped writing.

I have not written in so long that I feel I have lost the writing voice in my head for good. I have not written in so long that I no longer consider myself a writer and no longer believe I ever could be again. Thank you for this blog post. It is the first thing I have read about writing that really resonates with me so perfectly. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you also for reading what I had to write.

Sandra

http://www.lifeastwo.blogspot.com/ Thelma Nienhuis

Oh Sandra, I have tears in my eyes reading this, my own heart sliced in two hearing dismissal from those who should have been cheerleaders.

I was the same as you… filling notebook upon notebook; spending hours on my father’s computer in dark study, bookshelves floor to ceiling crammed with books of every size and shate… how I wish your mother had said to you what mine had said to me: ‘You go on and be the best darn writer you can be.’

And so, I have two questions for you:
1. Do you find that you have to suppress the urge to write now? Do you fight it?
2. Will you let me share my mother’s encouragement with you? ‘Do it, Sandra. You go on and be the best darn writer you can be.’ Because we would read it.

(P.S. Jeff Goins is having a writer’s series over on his blog right now that I am finding super encouraging… http://goinswriter.com/great-writers/)

http://www.deidrariggs.com/ Deidra

Sandra, you ARE a writer! You are! You have moved us all by telling us your story. Write on, girlfriend! Write on!

http://www.momsquire.blogspot.com/ Alba

Sandra I hope you don’t mind that I respond to your story, it was incredibly moving. Your story can bring so much health and healing to others that have been ripped apart by parents and loved ones they trusted to guide them toward their destiny. I enourage you to search your heart and know what it is that God created you for. There is a story that only YOU can tell, no one else can. There are plays, poems, ideas, and word illustrations that God will only give to you and that one of a kind story/prose/exposition/essay/play/poem, etc. can only be wrtiten by you. I am in your corner and hate that this has happened to you. You can liberate so many others to fulfill their God talents by sharing your words. Bless you for sharing!!!!!

http://behindthegateblog.com/ Gayle

Yep, that is what I keep telling myself. I’m not the most popular girl on the web, but I believe God will draw to my little space those who need to hear what the spirit is speaking through voice. Loved this!

http://www.lifeastwo.blogspot.com/ Thelma Nienhuis

I think I might need a sticky note on my computer to that effect, Gayle. ‘He knows what He’s doing!’ Thanks for stopping by.

http://www.momsquire.blogspot.com/ Alba

Thelma I enjoyed reading your post and have been asking myself how “relevant” am I? Well you answered that for me, thank you!

http://www.lifeastwo.blogspot.com/ Thelma Nienhuis

Thank you for blessing me with this response, Alba!

http://www.redemptionsbeauty.com/ Shelly Miller

Crying after reading Sandra’s response. My alcoholic, bi-polar mother contacted me this week after fourteen years of silence. She found my blog and said some really horrible things. Things I know are not true but feel a bit like a slap in the face that Sandra’s Dad gave her. When negativity and doubt come from the ones that are supposed to be on the sidelines cheering for you, you begin to feel invisible, wonder if you had a voice at all. On the other hand, a pastor told me he used one of my posts for a sermon a few weeks ago. I think that is why the blogging community is so important for us an individuals charting our unique writing journey. We help identify the voice for each other through relationship. Enjoyed your thoughts Thelma.

http://www.lifeastwo.blogspot.com/ Thelma Nienhuis

I think you hit it spot on, Shelly. Spot on.

Sharon O

I have never heard of writers laryngitis but it makes sense. When no words come it is hard even to whisper. good challenge for me on many areas. thanks

http://www.lifeastwo.blogspot.com/ Thelma Nienhuis

I hadn’t heard of it until it popped out my finger tips, Sharon… but I am thankful it makes sense to more people than just me. Once again, I am not alone thanks to the wonder of community!

Cindy

Thelma,
It looks like you have really struck a chord in all of us. When God gives us a gift, we have to believe that He is truly behind the gift. Writing is so personal, but isn’t it like God to use our very words to help others like He uses His Word to help us? Thank you for sharing your heart.

http://www.lifeastwo.blogspot.com/ Thelma Nienhuis

I think God asks us to be vulnerable with the gifts He gives. And when I say ‘I think’ I mean I am learning that ever so slowly.

http://scribingthejourney.com/ Duane Scott

Hopping over now to you, to read more of your wonderful voice, Thelma.

http://www.lifeastwo.blogspot.com/ Thelma Nienhuis

Thank you, Duane… just last night I was curled up on the couch reading yours. Small world.

http://bungalow56.blogspot.in/ Dana

Such a lovely post. And then to find out a fellow Canadian? I think I may have heard it in your voice : ) While I’ve never fancied myself a writer, I am a storyteller. Some days I hit the writing nail on the head and other days not. The blog is both a blessing and a beast. I haven’t quite figured it out. Thank you for the introduction Deidra!

Dana @ Bungalow’56

http://www.lifeastwo.blogspot.com/ Thelma Nienhuis

Hello Canuck! It makes me grin ear to ear that you might hear it in my voice, Dana! Thanks for popping by!